x[corrosiveabuser]

– Being given high doses of Amitriptyline from the age of 5, – for my, – [at the time] – debilitating autism, which manifested as severe social anxiety and OCD, – certainly didn’t help my early learning experiences.

I couldn’t read or write properly until the age of 11, but taking the medication meant I could attend normal schooling lessons, – I was almost statemented, here in the UK that meant being sent to a special learning school. So, I know what I know, – lived experiences, – but I’m definitely not the sharpest tool in the kit.

Now I don’t claim to understand the real purpose of the ego, I just know how often it used to get in the way of me enjoying myself, by imposing its notions of doubt and failure upon my already battered psyche.

The ego likes only to exist in the glories/nightmares of yesterday, and the fears/dreams of tommorow, it will do anything to avoid being in the now, as it cannot exist in the now.

The ego can’t handle the now because it clashes with the real, sovereign being within us all.

– As in sovereign, I’m not talking about the Id, or whatever the educated mind might call it, but that magnanimous essence that resides within us all, that force that sparks those feelings of empathy, compassion and understanding.
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I feel the ego plays a large roll in ones anxiety, and therefore must be confronted head-on.

An over-active ego prevents one from being in the present to such a degree that it becomes almost impossible to become bored, and becoming bored is essential to becoming spontaneous, and I feel regaining ones spontaneity is the first big step in, not beating anxiety, but accepting it as a friend and not the enemy.

– Boredom is just the uneasy time before our subconscious yearnings and desires return to our concious state of mind.

– Below are some very simple, – but not necessarily easy, – steps/thoughts that might help others regain some control over this time wasting, energy draining leech that is all too present in the anxious mind.

– Life is simple, don’t over think it…
… Or as the car sticker down the road says, “One life, live it!”
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1). Breath. – Long, slow, deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth.

2). Be present, as much as possible. – Live in the now.

IMPORTANT
– Leave no mental markers in time, – past, present or future.

3). Be yourself. – Pretending to be someone you’re not is going to be a life of Hell.

4). Meet every situation head-on. – Be spontaneous!

IMPORTANT
– Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

5). STOP taking things so seriously. – Don’t give too much value to others opinions.

IMPORTANT
– There is nothing wrong with feeling down, just don’t let other, unmindful people pull you down.

6). No one is ever truly alone, for we are all connected by compassion, empathy and understanding.

– Even those who are aggressive and confrontational, are really just scared of becoming society’s next victim, show them enough compassion and they WILL buckle, eventually, – unless they’re a narcissist or psychopath. Obviously one will have to understand the art of polishing someone’s ego, – but that should come quite naturally to those of an anxious disposition, as most anxious people like to avoid drama and confrontation, so usually this skill develops naturally in an anxious mind, over time, – but not always.

7). All thoughts are violations. – courtesy – “The orichalic phase/The oscillation.”

8). Knowledge talks lowly, Ignorance talks loud. – Be grateful you’re not a loud pretentious idiot.

9). Avoid people as soon as you feel them pulling you down to their level. – That includes me!

10). There is nothing wrong in having a low opinion of one’s self, so long as one’s opinions of others is no higher.

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* Personally, I enjoy being the awkward introvert, it means that I don’t have to jump around in that cesspool that is society, unless I want/have to.