resistance is futile – recycled

x[corrosiveabuser]

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Another attack,
Flares into existence
Heart pounds in throat,
But this time no resistance
Confronting this fear,
The only course of action
We’re taking it down,
This rogue mental faction

Before panic sets in,
Reel all wayward thoughts back
Shut down emotions,
Before they’re all hacked
No room for faux tensions,
While absorbing stray doubts
Nothing survives,
From within,
… Now without…

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*Embracing negative feelings and emotions is often better than running away from them, or resisting them, but we must never fall into that trap of dwelling on them, that just becomes nothing more than a futile game of self-torture…
_______________________________________________________________________________
– Originally posted on 6th June 2015, but I’m reposting it as it shows the process of a technique I developed for dealing with my own panic attacks, obviously some rudimentary knowledge and practice of meditation is required but the order of the process exists within the verse. –

Panic attacks used to own me, my anxiety feared the notion of having an attack in public so much I was housebound for two whole years, but even then just something as simple as the phone ringing or a knock at the door could trigger an attack. Being so uptight all the time was so physically draining, just walking up a single flight of stairs could leave me dizzy. I was suffering from amphetamine psychosis at the time, and although I’d had mild panic attacks for many years, the psychosis magnified the attacks to a point where I would feel as if I was on the edge of oblivion, and that any moment the floor or wall that was supporting me would just open up and crush me, horrendous times.

Still, I thought I’d recycle this one as anyone practicing meditation to control their panic attacks might find some aspects of the process useful.

– This will be my last post, as I’ve decided to finally throw all my energy into my sonic addiction. I have a large collection of analogue synthesizers, samplers, drum machines and general high-grade audio hardware that just doesn’t get the attention it deserves, and I’ve decided it’s time to learn how to play at least one instrument proficiently, either electric bass or keyboard.

I’m genuinely grateful to anyone and everyone, – meaning the few, – who has visited, liked, followed or commented on this blog, for I never thought for one second that my childish verse and personal reflections would ever even get a like, let alone a few followers. – Thank you.

And remember,

– Light shines from many lamps. Allow any belief, spiritual or otherwise, to become a place of refuge or rest and it becomes an obstacle. All true teachings are meant as stepping stones, to learn from and then move on.

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my kingdom

6 thoughts on “resistance is futile – recycled

    • Yeah, when I was younger, I always feared wasting all my money on drugs, so I felt compelled to invest some time and money into something that could possibly, one day, replace one form of escapism with another, if you know what I mean. Funny thing is, everything in that photo, and all the stuff that isn’t, also exists as a virtual plug-in for todays musicians and sonic anarchists, it’s not the same as physically touching the instruments and outboard gear but everything sounds the same, if not better, costs a thousand times less and doesn’t need servicing every 5 years. – but yes it’s a good little setup and thank you for noticing that, but be aware, one could easily own it all digitally, including the additional hardware required, for around £1,500, that’s a saving of around 40 grand, and I’m slowly moving over to just using a macbook and Apogee for everything myself.

shh....

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