anxiety

x[corrosiveabuser]
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“Anxiety isn’t something to be beaten or fought, it’s something we need to let go of, like a toy one outgrows during their childhood.”

Positive thinking comes from using positive terms. Of course, it’s fine to use negative terms in art and culture to achieve a desired effect, but when we are thinking to ourselves, it is far better to think about letting go of something, rather than fighting or beating it…

I know anxiety is a bitch, I really do, but often we give it no other option but to fight, but I’m tired of fighting it, aren’t you? – perhaps it’s about time we started to take control of our own destinies again, perhaps we should reach out to anxiety and tell it, things are going to get better, things are going to be okay… Don’t panic, calm down, you are loved, lets talk about what’s really bothering you…

– See where I’m coming from?

Just some of the demons, and desires I’ve – “sacrificed” – to avoid antagonising my anxiety:

Amphetamines
Alcohol
Coffee/Tea
Nicotine
Meat
Candy
Cake
Biscuits
Potato Chips
Mobile phone – “Yes, I do not own or possess a mobile phone, and hopefully I never will!”
Tv News/Newspapers/Magazines

Responsibilities:
– High-maintenance relationships
– Work -(I now only work for what I need, and not what I want).

[]

And some current vices:

Sertraline
Diazepam
Tramadol hydrochloride
THC
Peppermint tea
Dark chocholate -(85% cocoa)
[]

Yeah my life’s pretty stripped back, but hey, it’s just so much easier to control, I couldn’t have it any other way, I’d just go insane.

People become so energy-draining after a few hours of work or banter, that a kind of toxicity builds up in my mind leaving me desperate for solitude, and all the time that quietness is stolen away from me, the more of it I need…

singularity

X[corrosiveabuser]

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Shy, sensitive,
Emotional, honest,
Gifts from a mother,
Retained like a promise
But disdained by the others,
And used as my weaknesses
Just to draw all eyes away,
From their own idiosyncrasies

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burnt out

x[corrosiveabuser]

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Overwhelmed, imprisoned,
Stilted by ones thoughts
Snared and unspontaneous
In Hell now one is caught
Beating back perpetual doubts,
Ever only self-imposed
Lying burnt-out in this vapid rut,
Anxiety overflows…

still fragile

x[corrosiveabuser]

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Pulse racing to get home,
Escape the social helter-skelter
Close the door on chaos,
Solitude my only shelter
But what lies inside these walls,
Cannot truly flee ones foes
One look within it’s obvious,
… Sole creator of my woes