Those dreams and fears of tommorow


Guess what, I ain’t selling no book, and I ain’t no new-age bullshitter, in fact I couldn’t even read or write until I was 11 years old due to mild, but extremely debilitating autistic traits.

– Taking high doses of Amitriptyline from the age of 5 probably didn’t help my early learning experiences either.

– I still don’t read many books, and often find it hard to pull the correct words from the ether, but I’ll try for what it’s worth.

What follows comes exclusively from my own completely uneducated personal experiences.

– One or two ideas might have been realised by listening to others, or information absorbed from distant memories of therapy sessions, but thanks to two of my “not so toxic” friends, Sertraline and Diazepam, my memory ain’t quite as sharp as it used to be, so thanks to anybody from that distant past for the advice.


I don’t claim to understand the purpose of the ego, I just know how often it gets in the way of me enjoying myself, by imposing its notions of doubt and failure upon my already battered psyche.

The ego likes only to exist in the glories/nightmares of yesterday, and the fears/dreams of tommorow, it will do anything to avoid being in the now.

The ego can’t handle the now because it clashes with the real, sovereign being within us all.

– I’m not talking about the Id, or whatever the educated mind might call it, but that magnanimous essence that resides within us all, that force that sparks those feelings of empathy and compassion.


I feel the ego plays a large roll in ones anxiety, and therefore must be confronted head-on.

An over-active ego prevents one from being in the present to such a degree that it becomes almost impossible to become bored, and becoming bored is essential to becoming spontaneous, and I feel regaining ones spontaneity is the first big step in, not beating anxiety, but accepting it as a friend and not the enemy.

– “Boredom is just the uneasy time before our subconscious yearnings and desires return to our concious state of mind.”

– Below are some very simple, – but not necessarily easy, – steps that might help others regain some control over this time wasting, energy draining leech that is all too present in the anxious mind.

– Life is simple, don’t over think it…
… Or as the car sticker down the road says, “One life, live it!”

1). Breath. – Long, slow, deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth.

2). Be present, as much as possible. – Live in the now.

– Leave no mental markers in time, past or future.

3). Be yourself. – Pretending to be someone you’re not is going to be a life of Hell.

4). Meet every situation head-on. – Be spontaneous!

– Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.

5). STOP taking things so seriously. – Don’t give too much value to others opinions.

– There is nothing wrong with feeling down, just don’t let other, unmindful people pull you down.

6). No one is ever truly alone, for we are all connected by compassion and understanding.

– Even those who are aggressive and confrontational, are really just scared of becoming societys next victim, show them enough compassion and they WILL buckle, eventually.

7). All thoughts are violations. – courtesy – “The orichalic phase/The oscillation.”

8). Knowledge talks lowly, Ignorance talks loud. – Be grateful you’re not a loud pretentious idiot.

9). Avoid people as soon as you feel them pulling you down to their level. – That includes me!

10). “There is nothing wrong in having a low opinion of ones self, so long as ones opinions of others is no higher.”

– Just being tough enough to admit you’re a pussy to others will usually get their respect, and quite often their confidence, for truth be told this is a planet full of pussies, just some can hide this fact better than others.

– “But hey, what do I know? – I’m not even of this planet! – Or perhaps I just wish I wasn’t?”


* “Personally I enjoy being the introvert, it means that I don’t have to jump around in that cesspool that is society, unless I want to.”



Never one concerned,
‘Bout the superficial clique
Too quiet ‘n reserved,
To deal with all that fucked up shit
The pointless pecking-order of social competition
And condescending attitudes,
The ones that never listen


“O’ to be one of those self-obsessed, narcissistic, superficial a$$holes.
– Yeah, right……
– Once again I just keep my little mouth shut and stoically walk away, hoping I don’t exist.”

“There are only two types of people, those who want an easy day, and those who want an easy day at the expense of others.”




Heading for the depths,
That vortex of despair

Soon to touch the clarity of those familiar feelings there

A toxic world so fragile,
Yet so comforting to grace

…So why struggle to evade,
The pull of such a safe dark place…


just someone?


Unable to connect,
From reality unattached
Asexual by design,
With no one will I match
For many years I taunt myself,
Caught inside this view
But someone had to be just me,
I’m just glad it wasn’t you


Lost inside,
All hollowed out,
Thoughts crackle ’round this head and shout,
– “You just got too wasted, 24/7!”
– “Now you’re stuck in a hell, that could’ve been heaven……”





Society is cold,
Abrupt and inhumane
As individuals run amok,
Playing childish grown-up games
Reaching for the wealthy heights,
Of glass and ivory towers
These vacuous suits of parasites,
Reel corrupted by their power

The Wall Street devils revel,
In their thoughts of future wars
Another nation levelled,
Another obvious truth ignored
Heartless governments collude,
With their unregulated banks
Take the poor mans money,
Produce more armour-plated tanks

TV’s spit out propaganda,
The talking heads get paid
To rationalise the evil,
On which massive profits made
The truth no longer matters,
There’s no sense of right or wrong
Just braindead, brainwashed masses,
Unaware of freedoms gone…





Shy, sensitive,
Emotional, honest,
Gifts from a mother,
Retained like a promise
But disdained by the others,
And used as my weaknesses
Just to draw all eyes away,
From their own idiosyncrasies