misunderstood

x[corrosiveabuser]
20171016-090932.jpg

The smile of an introvert, misunderstood
Tongue blunted by shyness, would speak if I could
Too quiet to explain, I avoid their coterie
But still those vicious words infect my thoughts with their disease

extraction request

x[corrosiveabuser]
20180127-214707.jpg

[send message]

Thought I’d made connections,
But these humans come and go
Am I just so very different,
… Guess they didn’t wanna know

Request mission be aborted,
Project EMPATHY dissolved
Require immediate extraction,
Fear my emotions too involved…

anxiety

x[corrosiveabuser]
20150930-233638.jpg

“Anxiety isn’t something to be beaten or fought, it’s something we need to let go of, like a toy one outgrows during their childhood.”

Positive thinking comes from using positive terms. Of course, it’s fine to use negative terms in art and culture to achieve a desired effect, but when we are thinking to ourselves, it is far better to think about letting go of something, rather than fighting or beating it…

I know anxiety is a bitch, I really do, but often we give it no other option but to fight, but I’m tired of fighting it, aren’t you? – perhaps it’s about time we started to take control of our own destinies again, perhaps we should reach out to anxiety and tell it, things are going to get better, things are going to be okay… Don’t panic, calm down, you are loved, lets talk about what’s really bothering you…

– See where I’m coming from?

Just some of the demons, and desires I’ve – “sacrificed” – to avoid antagonising my anxiety:

Amphetamines
Alcohol
Coffee/Tea
Nicotine
Meat
Candy
Cake
Biscuits
Potato Chips
Mobile phone – “Yes, I do not own or possess a mobile phone, and hopefully I never will!”
Tv News/Newspapers/Magazines

Responsibilities:
– High-maintenance relationships
– Work -(I now only work for what I need, and not what I want).

[]

And some current vices:

Sertraline
Diazepam
Tramadol hydrochloride
THC
Peppermint tea
Dark chocholate -(85% cocoa)
[]

Yeah my life’s pretty stripped back, but hey, it’s just so much easier to control, I couldn’t have it any other way, I’d just go insane.

People become so energy-draining after a few hours of work or banter, that a kind of toxicity builds up in my mind leaving me desperate for solitude, and all the time that quietness is stolen away from me, the more of it I need…

resistance is futile

x[corrosiveabuser]
20150607-131623.jpg

Another attack,
Flares into existence
Heart pounds in throat,
But this time no resistance
Confronting this fear,
The only course of action
We’re taking it down,
This rogue mental faction

Before panic sets in,
Reel all wayward thoughts back
Shut down emotions,
Before they’re all hacked
No room for faux tensions,
While absorbing stray doubts
Nothing survives,
From within,
… Now without…

20150605-202552.jpg

* Embracing negative feelings and emotions is often better than running away from them, or resisting them, but we must never fall into that trap of dwelling on them, that just becomes nothing more than a futile game of self-torture…

by-product of society

x[corrosiveabuser]
20150601-211601.jpg

Your glorious society,
It ain’t so fucking great
Awash with tainted minds,
Pushing war and hate
Taking what it wants to fuel its selfish self-promotion
With bloated shoppers clutching crap,
In a frenzy of devotion

Later, or sooner,
It will consume the consumer
A cancer of despair
… Your society’s just a tumour…

[]

Ever wondered why life sometimes seems so difficult and depressing, leaving us feeling like we just don’t fit in with society?

– “Who’d wanna’ fit in!”

– “Keep your head down, and the door open.”

20150601-165001.jpg

defective?

x[corrosiveabuser]
20150527-114155.jpg

Never one concerned,
‘Bout the superficial clique
Too quiet ‘n reserved,
To deal with all that phuk’d up shit
The pointless pecking-order of social competition
And condescending attitudes,
The ones that never listen

[]

“O’ to be one of those self-obsessed, narcissistic, superficial a$$holes.
– Yeah, right……
– Once again I just keep my little mouth shut and stoically walk away, hoping I don’t exist.”

“There are only two types of people, those who want an easy day, and those who want an easy day at the expense of others.”

20150528-111755.jpg